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What does the sound of ducks and unsound docs have in common?

They are both quacks.

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Why did Jeff like playing basketball, soccer, and baseball?

When he was doing these activities, he was having a ball.

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What is up and down at the same time?

When you go to sleep drunk, and feel down when you wake up with a hangover.

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What are the great-great grandparents of an ant called?

Ant-cestors.

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Why are all fish stores in Finland kosher?

Because they have Finns and scales.

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What was the motto of the company that made horror movies?

We've only begun to fright.

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What fictional character had an open mind?

Frankenstein.

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What are some things a person can do if they are stuck thinking about the past?

The can buy 'presents' for other people, or go to a river and look at the 'current'.

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How did Billy react when he got a box of marbles for his birthday.

He thought it was marbleous.

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What excuse can be used by a person who drinks too much?

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal labotomy.

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Why did Arlene dislike washing the dishes?

It gave her a sinking feeling.

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What three letters are not our friend?

NME

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