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Akiva Lane
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How did John feel when his alarm clock woke him up?

He found it alarming.

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Akiva Lane
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Why was the carpet depressed?

It felt a lack of respect because everyone walked all over it.

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Akiva Lane
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What ring weight absolutely nothing?

The ring tone of a phone.

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Akiva Lane
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What fictional character had an open mind?

Frankenstein.

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Akiva Lane
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What's the problem with a person being in Valid, Sweden?

He's in Valid.

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Akiva Lane
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What kind of tea decreases a person's intelligence?

Stupida tea.

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Akiva Lane
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What was Betty's reaction when the glass jar fell and broke?

She found it jarring.

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Akiva Lane
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Why was Fred confused by forms?

Because he didn't know if he should fill them IN or fill them OUT.

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Akiva Lane
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What's worse than a crazy driver?

Someone who drives you crazy.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did the push-button go to the therapist?

Each time someone pushed it, it was depressed.

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Akiva Lane
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What kind of carrots are worth their weight in gold?

24 karats.

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Akiva Lane
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Why was Bill hesitant to have a rock band play on his yacht?

He was always told it's not good to rock the boat.

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