Pictures:

Akiva Lane
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Why did Bill buy 2 pieces of chord, and gave one to his girlfriend?

He wanted to tie the knot.

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Akiva Lane
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What day is just before a birthday?

Labor day.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did Janet eat from a bag of dates when she talked to Joe at work?

She wanted him to ask her for a date.

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Akiva Lane
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What do you call a perfect egg?

Egg-selent.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did a lot of people want to use Alan Richter's bathroom scale?

Because they wanted to know what they weighed on the Richter scale.

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Akiva Lane
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Did Emily like living near the water?

She shore did.

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Akiva Lane
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What did the doctor say to the sick person who was too much in a rush?

I'll be doctor, you be patient.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did Mr. & Mrs. Bear get divorced?

They couldn't bear each other anymore.

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Akiva Lane
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What does a piece of paper and a soda without fizz have in common?

They are both flat.

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Akiva Lane
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If a person was stranded on a desert island, what color would he find there?

Maroon.

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Akiva Lane
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What kind of headlines do people not like to see?

The ones in their forehead, because it indicates worry and tension.

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Akiva Lane
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What food made Emily think about what happened in the past?

Pasta.

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