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Akiva Lane
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What is the Sherlock Holmes story where he solves the mystery of the missing pillow?

The pillow case.

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Akiva Lane
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What was it called when Samantha texted her friend about the great date she was on?

It was an update about the up date.

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Akiva Lane
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What is someone who can keep a secret called?

A secretary.

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Akiva Lane
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What do you call a pair of pants that wants to be forever young?

Peter pants.

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What do you call a group of smart men?

Intelli gents.

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Akiva Lane
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What does a liquor store have in common with a crowded highway?

They both have bottlenecks.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did Betty fix her watch quickly?

She wanted to have a good time.

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Akiva Lane
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What do you say to a friend who is trying to uproot a tree

I'm rooting for you.

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Akiva Lane
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What does a car say when you fill it up with gas?

Tanks.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did Alan make sure his deck wasn't empty when he played with his kids?

He wanted to make sure he was playing with a full deck.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did Joe like working in the spring more than the fall?

He didn't like being the fall guy.

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Akiva Lane
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When the patient said he had trouble with his memory, how did the doctor respond?

In that case, you pay me up front.

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