Pictures:

What is the shine of a gold ring called?

Its ring tone.

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Why were Bill's friends always calling him up?

Because his nickname was 'Up'.

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Why did Arnold print out the word MONEY and put it into his chopped liver?

He wanted to spread the word.

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Why did Martha like circles?

Because it has the best all-around shape.

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What do you call a thief that leaves no clues?

Stainless steal.

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How do you describe pulling a penny out of the sewer?

The ascent of a cent with a scent.

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Why is ethics like art?

You have to know where to draw the line.

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What it is called when California hi-tech companies fool people in a ridiculous way?

Silly Con Valley

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What can be said about nurses who help patients with intravenous feeding?

Their work is in vein.

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How did the head of the orchestra feel when he couldn't find people to play in it?

It was disconcerting.

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Bill saved his pennies all year to buy a present for his wife, and brought them to a store, and do you know what he got?

A hernia.

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Why was the diver not so proud of diving into a bucket of water?

Compared to all his other abilities, it was only a drop in the bucket.

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